Why Moms Who Use Crockpots Should Not Have Kids

Child Crying - Why Moms Who Use Crockpots Should Not Have Kids

The Smell of the Crockpot is Enough

Imagine this: you’re 12 years old and in 6th grade. You just get off the bus from a rough day at school and you’re ready to get inside and eat dinner. You walk into the kitchen and every last drop of your sanity and will to live leave your body as you see the war crime of a machine sitting on the counter: the crockpot.

The smell of near liquified meat turns your stomach and the thought of mushy vegetables simmering in a cesspool of fat and oil is enough to make you run for the bathroom. Your mom notices the look on your face and gives you the classic line, “You better eat because I’m not making anything else.”

Now tell me, does this sound like a responsible and well-adjusted adult to you? I think not.

Why Crockpot's Torture Children

The crockpot and their users are a menace to society, torturing children and families alike with concoctions that are on par with a witch and her cauldron.


Now you may be thinking, “how do we deal with this doomsday device?” Well, I’ll tell you. Moms who use crockpots should be reported to the proper authorities and their children rehomed to a safer environment. No more will we stand for mother’s subjecting their children to terrible meals during the most pivotal years in their lives.


After all of the country’s children are safely removed from harm’s way, we deal with the root of the problem. We will give the mother’s extensive counseling to deal with their psychological issues, as well as cooking classes to ensure their use of the crock pot is no longer a consideration. 

Crockpot's Are Not Just an Easy Meal

You may be asking yourselves why this is such a serious issue. “Why would we want to get rid of the crock pot? There are so many good recipes to be made in them.”

Look at that picture and tell me with a straight face that you aren’t part of the problem. Can you tell me one good meal that you would be willing to serve to an important guest that you made from a crockpot? No. You can’t.

You may think that you can put anything in there, turn it on, and call it a day, but I guarantee that anything that is unlucky enough to be put in a crockpot is instantly ruined.

It’s 2021 people, there is no reason that a machine that is inherently moist inside should make a steak or pot roast so dry that you need a gallon of water to get it down your throat.

Enjoy The Content? Sign Up For Our Newsletter

Share This Post
Jamie Shaffer

Jamie Shaffer

Opinionated law student with a creative interest in debates and philosophy.

Keep Reading

Thank You

You're All Set!

You'll receive an email confirmation shortly.